It’s been a while since I last wrote, as I find some things must be thought and not communicated, thus the silence from my pen. Thoughts have been whirling round my mind, permeating my heart, some breaking it and others healing. Matthew (aged 13) often reminds me, when he’s tidying, that you have to break the egg before you make the omelette, and that’s never truer than when you are unpicking the strands of the past.

Sometimes memories open up and perhaps, to continue the metaphor, we need to allow God to make the omelette in order to see why he allowed them to break out of their shell in the first place.

I personally find memories locked away far less troublesome than ones which spill out and whisk around my mind. And yet…I’m beginning to see God forming something beautiful from the broken past I’ve recalled. Our God wastes nothing, and there’s nothing we have done, or been through, which he won’t ultimately use for our good and his glory.

One of the difficulties I have had, which I feel able to share, has been with my name. Vicki. Victoria Charlotte. It’s a pleasant enough name, but I was struggling to take ownership of it and I couldn’t fathom why. Phil calls me Sweetheart, to the children I’m Mum or Mummy, to my sister I’m Vicks and to my dad I was Wix. The last person, who really loved me, to regularly use my name was my mum. That was over 30 years ago, before she passed away. Vicki was important to her, loved and wanted, and yet when she died, so, in some ways, at least by name, did Vicki. It seems here lay the root of my issue. Mum and I were a very attached pair. I have the sweetest memories of sitting in bed with her, as her illness progressed, just cuddling. I loved those last months in many ways, she was finally not busy and had time to just be. It’s a lesson I try and remember when I’m running round after the children, they don’t need me to be super mum, they just need me to be present and full of love.

Realising that this problem with my name needed fixing, I asked God to help me embrace the name I was given, for God says, in Isaiah 43, “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine.

My parents may have chosen my name, but in His sovereignty, God guided their choices. So in many ways this is God’s name for me. It was only after research that I discovered the real meaning behind my name, Victoria Charlotte. It means, victorious free woman. I love that. In Corinthians God says that we have, ‘the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ’, and then in in Galatians 5 we are reminded that, ‘It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.’ Yes, I am free in Christ from sin and all the consequences of it, both my own sin and the sins of those who have sinned against me. I am also victorious, because in Jesus we have victory over sin, both past, present and future.

What is it that damages each of us? It’s sin, it’s the consequences of living in a fallen world. Death, sickness and emotional pain are all consequences of the Fall. Even those who have had an idyllic childhood are not immune to the effects of sin. The wonderful news is that Christ is the antidote. By handing over everything, past, present and future to Him, we can be free. All pain, physical, emotional or mental won’t necessarily disappear, but we will have the grace to no longer be slaves to it, we need no longer, ‘be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.’ (Galatians 5:1).

As I have navigated my way through these stormy memories I have constantly felt God’s presence at the helm and finally I think I might have spotted land ahead, a green and pleasant land.

I have found hope, and like the hope of Spring, it is not a vague hope, but a certainty that brighter days are ahead.

I do love hearing from you all, so please feel free to share whatever you feel led to, I know it will be a blessing to each of us.

Sending blessings to each of you, Vicki

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4 thoughts on “What’s in a Name?

  1. Thank you for your comforting words Vicki

    Hebrews 5:7 ESV
    7 In the days of his flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to him who was able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverence.

    Praying steadfastly through tears & sorrows caused by life’s tribulations, for you & yours, & my own painful situation, which is increasingly hard to bear

    Revelation 21:4 ESV
    4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

  2. Thank you for writing and sharing this, Vicki.
    It’s really struck a chord with me and is a blessing to me.
    May the Lord richly bless you, Evie

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