It seems such a short time ago we lost Dad, but this time it’s not sudden, not unexpected, not premature. My step mother is close to the end of her life, breathing in her last drops of air before she steps foot into eternity.
For the last two years Phil has been visiting my step mother, Wendy, on a weekly basis. He’s been able to go and do his work at her home, spending his breaks chatting to her, doing her shopping and ensuring her carers are meeting all her needs.
I have found returning to my family home very difficult, as each time I go I relive the trauma I experienced there and so Phil has graciously stepped in.
Wendy has PSP, Progressive Supranuclear Palsy. We have watched her muscles slowly give up, first her walking and then her eyes struggled to stay open, her hands and arms were next and feeding herself became impossible and now her speech has gone and she has no ability or desire to swallow anything. It’s been so sad to watch an active and intelligent lady lose all her physical abilities and yet her mind has stayed sharp and her stoical attitude has been incredible.
Now we are waiting, visiting and praying, we know the end is near and we just want it to be as peaceful as possible. Phil has had many conversations with her, whilst her speech was still there, they have laughed together and they shared a certain bluntness which made everything much easier. There was an ease between them I could never have. She was a maths teacher, rational, unemotional and not very ‘girlie’, so a mathematical man was a great companion for her! They talked about politics and family life, memories and faith, he knows her better than I ever did and now I see in his eyes a desire to honour her at this time and it makes me love him more than ever.
I had a difficult relationship with my step mother, but as Phil has visited much has come to light about the past and it has helped me to put together the missing pieces of the puzzle. Much forgiveness has been offered and received and much healing has gone on, on both sides.
Phil and Wendy sometimes talked of grace, a concept she struggled with due to a childhood raised in a works based understanding of faith. She was taught to be a good girl, to be generous, hard working and morally upright and that by doing these things she would get to Heaven. The difficulty with this belief has become apparent over the last year, as she was unable to ‘do’ anything. She felt afraid that her salvation wasn’t secure because she understood works, not grace. Phil has continued to remind her, ‘For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.’ Ephesians 2 8-9.
Can I please ask you pray for her at this time, that she will experience the peace of God and fully rest in the knowledge that she is safe because of Christ and not by anything she can do.