The Truth about Christmas

Christmas, the season of love, joy and togetherness, for some yes, but for others it’s a time where tensions are heightened, long periods together shine a light on previously hidden problems and sometimes everything explodes. If this has been your Christmas, this year or any year, I get it, you’re seen and you’re not alone in your experiences.

For some people this Christmas is the first they have had since losing a loved one. On any normal day of the year painful memories can be pushed down and ignored, busied away, but not at Christmas. Forced joviality is the order of the day and for the benefit of others we try and hold it together, but for many they would rather be at work, they would rather be anywhere than at home with an empty seat at the table.

This post is not supposed to be depressing though, this Christmas I promise to deliver hope, wrapped in the beautiful paper of forgiveness and trust.

This year the Goldby family Christmas was wonderful, everyone got along, nearly all the time! As our children grow, and the practical work is less intense, the more joy we have in our time together, eating, playing games and eating more! It wasn’t always this way, I have known very different Christmases and that knowledge provides the contrast I need to fill me with a deep sense of gratitude for the family I now have.

I remember the first Christmas after losing Mum. Dad was short of money and so Christmas was an even stranger affair, every present felt a waste of money, better spent on food or bills. We were thankfully rescued by relatives who took us in, gave us turkey and all the trimmings and distracted us with their normality, the change was so helpful and took the pressure off Dad.

Life did move on, as it must, I wasn’t forever trapped in grief. Each year it became less strange, we all adjusted and accepted, but we never stopped missing her.

She’d have been a fabulous grandma, she’d think I was crazy having ten children, but she’d love them all so much. I do trust, although it can hurt, that this was God’s plan and in ways I will only know in Heaven, this was for the best. So I let go of what ifs and focus on the joy of today and the extraordinary family God has blessed me with.

Some years ago, not at Christmas, but a few months before, a close relative vented all her feelings at me in the most painful, accusing and destructive way. As I sat crying in front of her she continued to berate me, to tear apart my character and remind me of every flaw she thought I had. After an hour of being yelled at in a public place I left and drove home through a screen of tears, windscreen wipers on my eyes would have been helpful. I was shocked by the suddenness of her explosion and broken from the words she’d unleashed.

I don’t share all this to make you feel sorry for me, but to tell you, if you have experienced anything like this, that forgiveness is possible and this Christmas I’ve witnessed that.

After her outburst, for the next few years, I barely spoke to her, she didn’t contact me and I gave her a wide berth. Then a couple of years ago an opportunity arose to help her, and so we (Phil and I) tentatively reached out our olive branch and surprisingly she accepted our offer. It was a small gesture, but a giant leap towards reconciliation. I was still afraid of another explosion, another deluge of criticism, but Phil was with me this time and so I felt significantly less vulnerable.

Then last Christmas, by the prompting of the Holy Spirit, I visited her at her home, I had no idea how I would be received, but I knew I needed to go. She was unwell and had developed a life limiting condition, I needed to make sure she knew we were at peace once more. As I walked in the room, she looked at me and started crying and out poured a huge, heartfelt apology. Honestly, it broke me, this time in a good way!

This year we’ve made it to the next level. She can no longer use most of her muscles, so we took her Christmas lunch and after chopping it up I sat down to feed the lady who I once thought I could never see again. Only God could do that. I didn’t even think about its significance until this morning, as it didn’t even feel emotionally difficult, it just felt like a huge privilege, to be allowed back into her life, to be able to be helpful and to show her that I mean it when I say I forgive her. I believe the angels must sing when forgiveness happens, as they sang that first Christmas, when Jesus came to give us all a way to be forgiven.

I pray for each of my readers that God’s love will be made real to you and allow you to feel the fullness of the joy He has in you. Blessings to you all, this Christmas time, in the new year and always.

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