I’m Vicki and I’m a perfectionist. I can’t do anything by half, I’m an all in kind of girl. I gain no pleasure from a job done quickly but which is rough around the edges.

Motherhood has given me many opportunities to express my perfectionism, be it washing Terry nappies instead of using disposables, cooking everything from scratch, making dressing up costumes, making cards or Christmas presents. I love to grow, pick, prepare and eat our homemade produce all the while passing on these skills to our children. For years it seemed I was doing quite well, holding it all together.

And then we moved to the country, we built a much bigger house, fitted a new energy system, had another baby, got livestock and we’re still not finished. Everyday is different, perfectionism has become impossible.

My perfectionism is dying by a thousand tiny cuts, a thousand letting goes, a thousand moments of grief. Each time I see a drawer full of unfolded clothes I wince, or books on the floor, or shoes left out, or a vegetable garden hiding beneath the weeds.

Caring for my family brings me so much joy but I’ve realised that my desire for perfection is stealing that joy.

Thankfully, but painfully, God won’t leave me wallowing in my pride, taking pleasure in my achievements. He’s calling me to something deeper.

He wants the deepest parts of me, the parts that lie beneath the achievements everyone sees, to let go and to let God do all that I can’t do. I’ve spent years believing that through sheer effort of will I can make everything beautiful. Who was I fooling? Certainly not God. He’s bided his time, allowing me to enjoy the temporary satisfaction of my labours and then he’s swooped in, pulled the rug from under me and I’m still falling.

I know I’ll keep falling until I stop looking at the unfinished jobs around me and start looking up, up to the One who has given me all these tasks.

I know in my head that God doesn’t expect me to do everything perfectly this side of Heaven, so why do I expect it of myself? I think it’s a heart issue, it’s asking myself the question, is my joy found in my achievements or is it found in God? I’m learning that I need to let him into the mess, let him see what he already sees, and admit I can’t do it.

Admit my failings.

That’s hard to say and the difficulty I have saying that, shows my pride. I often think that I’ve done that, told God how hard this is, but I’m not sure the deepest part of me has fully relinquished everything to Him. I need to only do that which I can do, all the while praying to the One who will multiply my efforts and create more beauty than I could ever dream or imagine.

‘God is the God who makes all things beautiful in his time’ Ecclesiastes 3:11, He is the ultimate artist, the perfect creator.

I love to create beauty in everything, from my words to the children’s clothes, hairstyles, soft furnishings, homemade gifts, home cooked meals or cakes. I know that the desire for all of this beauty comes from God, but I suspect I am looking for beauty in all the wrong places.

I was out taking pictures for this blog post when I happened upon the raspberry canes. I thought they were finished for the season and now it was just weeds and thistles taking over but on closer inspection there were multiple sweet raspberries just waiting to be picked. I’d been so busy looking at the weeds that I almost missed them.

I think that’s the lesson God wants me learn today. He doesn’t want me to look at the mess, to focus on the big picture, he wants me to see the beauty that I’m missing whilst I’m stressing about the mess. I suspect that beauty will be found in the faces of the people living in this home. If I can pause long enough, I might just see what God sees and I know that will bring me real joy.

Sending blessings to you all, Vicki

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6 thoughts on “Finding Sweetness in the Weeds

  1. Vicki I have found from personal experience that the trouble with being a perfectionist is that it leads one into procrastination, when one knows one cannot complete a task to perfection, the tendency is to leave it. Stress in life’s unfortunate circumstances has left me living in utter chaos at times. My prayers are with you & your family.

    2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NIV
    9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

    • I agree, I often put things off, but the children have many immediate needs which prohibit procrastination and drive me forwards, albeit with the frustration of my imperfections.


    Psalm 122 NIV
    3 Jerusalem is built like a city
    that is closely compacted together.
    4 That is where the tribes go up—
    the tribes of the Lord—
    to praise the name of the Lord
    according to the statute given to Israel.
    5 There stand the thrones for judgment,
    the thrones of the house of David.
    6 Pray for the peace of Jerusalem:
    “May those who love you be secure.
    7 May there be peace within your walls
    and security within your citadels.”
    8 For the sake of my family and friends,
    I will say, “Peace be within you.”
    9 For the sake of the house of the Lord our God,
    I will seek your prosperity.

    Psalm 121:4-5 NIV
    4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.
    5 The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;

  3. Thank you, Vicki! This is exactly what I am struggling through, and I needed to hear this. God has repeated this message to me 3 times through other people today. This is not an easy lesson to learn, especially with having 6 kids, but since God is clearly teaching me to trust in Him and find joy and fulfillment in Him and not by always doing everything perfectly and being able to control my environment (there will be messes and tantrums) I guess I need to be intentional about taking this lesson to heart.
    May God bless you and your family, sending greetings from the US

    • Kayla, lovely to hear from you. I’m so pleased God used this post to help you. Sending blessings to you and your family, Vicki

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