Our broken bus was a surprising blessing to me last week. For 4 months our bus had been sat in the Ford garage awaiting parts, finally on Thursday morning Phil went to collect it. The excitement in the children was palpable, at last we were all going to be able to go out together. The 5 seater car they’d loaned us had helped, but it was sorely inadequate for transporting our tribe.

Phil arrived at the garage to collect the bus and the mechanic immediately came out, with a less than happy look on his face, oh no, what now? The brake light had started flashing as he had driven it out of the garage! You couldn’t make up the sorry tale of our bus, but this new revelation was the mouldy cherry on the mud pie. We were going to have to wait again. Phil explained to us the situation and, after some frustrated outbursts from the children, we accepted our fate.

Phil kindly offered to take the children to gymnastics, which left me with just Timothy. He was disappointed that he’d been left behind and so I suggested a trip to the park.

It wasn’t until we arrived at the park and I was helping three year old Timothy to climb a ladder that I had a flashback…

The last time I remembered taking just one 3 year old boy to the park, I was 17. I realised I was reliving a moment from my teen years but with the perspective of time and experience.

All those years ago I’d moved to London and was eagerly seeking employment as a nanny. I had had my place at Norland College confirmed but in the meantime I had just over a year to fill. I’d left home, A-levels and friends and had headed for the Big Smoke. After scouring the pages of ‘The Lady’ magazine, I’d come across an advertisement for a position caring for one little boy. Thankfully his mum wasn’t put off by my age and after an interview she offered me the job. I was to take a bus ride there each morning, an hour and a quarter each way, but I didn’t mind, I loved getting to know the London streets, the bus routes and of course my youthfulness meant I was afraid of nothing.

It was an awesome responsibility and a huge privilege to care for George, to arrange his day, take him on picnics and to parks, to visit the London museums and to watch his wide-eyed wonder as he took in everything we saw.

I was exhausted at the end of each day, but I knew, without a doubt, that I’d found my vocation.

I have been blessed to keep contact with the family and to hear how well George has done in life. I am so grateful to have been able to play a part in his life and in so many children’s lives, whether my own children or other people’s. Children are an enormous gift.

Perhaps more now than ever, with the perspective of time, I see the blessing they are. For that brief time in the park with Timothy, it felt like time had stood still. There I was again, encouraging a little boy to keep going, to climb higher, my job was to fill him with the confidence and security needed to do whatever he’s created to do. When we care for children, we aren’t just doing a job, we are raising a future adult, someone who can impact the world. As is often quoted, ‘Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work’.

Reflecting back on the journey God has brought me on is a powerful reminder that he had a good plan for me. Little George was the beginning of a wonderful adventure caring for so many children. I hope I always have little ones in my life, my own precious children, perhaps grandchildren or other people’s children, for they light up my world and they give purpose to my days.

As a ‘highly sensitive person’ I tend to experience life with heightened senses. Sometimes this feels like a sensory overload, the noise of children shouting in my echoey kitchen, bright strip lights, hot weather or loud background music can all steal my peace and leave me feeling overwhelmed. I also feel other people’s emotions more deeply than some. I can perceive pain in someone’s eyes, their body language tells me a story and I try to help them wherever I can. This is a gift and a burden, depending on the situation.

It seems more recently that God is tapping into that sensitivity to increase my gratitude. Food tastes better, birdsong is sweeter, my children’s smiles light up the room, nature is more beautiful, it’s seems as if he’s flicked a switch and my senses are working to my advantage, not my detriment.

Everyday I am finding so many things to give thanks for and gratitude is the soil in which the seed of joy grows. It reminds me of a Bible verse, ‘See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.’ Isaiah 43:19. If we only stop rushing around and pause we might just perceive what God is doing.

Let’s take an example we might be familiar with. We can all look at the state of the British nation and feel horror, we might wonder where God is in all of this mess. But if we stop for long enough we might notice that revival is coming, it’s quiet, but we can perceive it. People are more interested in the things of God, they’re more soft hearted, churches are filling up with people coming in off the streets with no church background, polical commentators are asking what’s life all about. It’s an exciting time to be alive and to know God. Without Christ everything is at crisis point, but with him guiding our path we can perceive an ever growing light, drawing people to him. The darker the world gets, the more clearly we see the light of Christ.

Those of us who know Christ already have a mighty work ahead of us, for the harvest in plenty, let us be the workers who gather them in. Our nation can heal, but only with Christ, and with prayer we will see him transform lives.

Sending blessings to you all.

These wonderful individuals mean everything to me. They are the balm that heals my heart and they bring me immense joy. I am so grateful to be able to live life with them, in all its fullness.

Recently I celebrated a significant birthday, it wasn’t my fiftieth and it wouldn’t be significant to others, but to me it was huge. I turned 48 and finally I’m older than my mum ever was. It’s been strangely liberating, as if I’m not waiting for anything anymore, as if the clock’s been reset or my future is now a blank page waiting to be written on. It’s a mixture between exciting and reflective.

As my children grow up the reality hits that they have something I didn’t have, someone to lean on, talk to, hug, a safe place. I don’t think I’ve felt like I missed out, perhaps I just shut out those voices, but gradually I am seeing what I lost, but I’m also seeing what I’ve gained. Every single time my children say they love me or when the older ones phone me or when they make cards for me or just tell me they need me, I feel how immensely privileged I am. I don’t just get to love, I get to be loved. It always makes me pause, as I don’t naturally feel significant, but I’m aware how wanted I am and I’m learning to accept the gift of love God has given me through these children and my precious husband. I never take love for granted, it’s the heartbeat of the world, it’s what we all need to thrive.

This birthday I’ve been reflecting on the legacy my mum left in me, a legacy of love and the gift of skills which I am learning came from her. She was passionate about words and writing and she was politically engaged, she enjoyed sewing, cooking and she loved children, when I reflect on all this, I make more sense, I know I came from someone. It sounds ridiculous, of course I came from someone but until recently I had no compass from which to find my origins. No one had talked much about Mum, and I had only a child’s perspective on who she was. Childhood photos and writing from her have triggered memories which I’d long buried, but which I now treasure. I now want to live the rest of my life both for her and for me. She always wanted to write a book, perhaps by writing I can honour her memory? In a way this blog is a way to honour her. Whatever I do, I want to live life fully and without regrets, to make the most of each day and to listen to the words she would say if she was here. She’d tell me go for it, to never give up and she’d tell me she loved me.

I often feel held back from fulfilling my potential by the feelings of inadequacy I carry. God knows my heart though and it was during my quiet time recently that the Lord quietened the self deprecating inner monologue long enough for me to hear the sparrows chirping outside. They’re always there but their sweet songs blend into the chaos of life. At that particular moment though, I paid attention. I immediately knew He was reminding me, I am ‘worth more than many sparrows’, Matthew 10:31. I quietly teared up as my heart was filled with the understanding that He made me for a purpose and he truly loves me. I’m still riding high on that revelation weeks later. Everyday I can say I’m His, He loves me and I am of infinite value to Him, we all are.

God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, but he also loved each one of us individually, so much that He gave His Son’s life as a ransom for ours. We are each precious to Him.

To each of my readers I say, you are loved, you are precious and you are created for a purpose. Live life fully, for each day is a gift.

Sending you all blessings, Vicki